Being decisive is being open and trustingApr 21, 2022
Like everyone else in the world, I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs. Here’s what I’ve learned over the decades:
It’s super frustrating to not know what I want.
Having an inkling of what I want may be a good place to start, but it's basically the same thing as not knowing what I want.
When I don’t "make peace with it," everything's hard because I’m living in this knot of frustration.
When I do make peace with it, I get what I get.
And some teachings tell me to find gratitude in that.
Which I got really good at.
Except, there’s a rumbling in my underbelly that tells me that this (or parts of this) isn’t what I want, and I’m making myself feel grateful for that.
Which splinters me a little.
So I’m not free. And sometimes it’s not fun to get up in the morning.
Here’s where I get to decide to either will myself to feel free, or decide to act free.
Willing myself to feel free doesn’t work. It only helps me feel free to press snooze in the morning.
And by the way, feelings aren’t goals, they're prompters.
Acting free is the way to go. Acting as in action, not pretending.
This means I listen to my frustration (the prompter) and I decide what I want, as in yesterday. Not 10 years from now. Not 6 months from now. Not tomorrow.
When I do this, I’m almost immediately at peace because I’ve decided what I wanted, and that’s the real battle. I don’t worry about if this is the right decision for the rest of my life. I just make a decision from what I want now, because I know that my desires are my soul leaving breadcrumbs to keep me moving on my path.
I’ve learned that deciding is the same as having. There is no “we’ll see” in deciding, so it’s clean and clear. It’s trusting the unknown that comes with the decision. It’s trusting in myself; in acting on the decisions that I make, and on my ability to adapt. It’s also trusting that I’m not trying to go on autopilot but instead wanting to experience a dynamic life.
Because I have what I want, I willfully do more of what I need to do to continue feeding my soul’s desire(s). My body is in the present moment of desiring what I have, and this, I realize, is what it truly means to have gratitude for what I have.
And I’m allowed to change my mind. I can alter, pivot, and rearrange anything as I grow into my self-realization. New information gives me new insight: what I’m still triggered by, what I’m willing to do, what I’m not willing to do, where my boundaries are up, where they’re down, what makes me happy, what doesn’t. My gut, my intuition, my emotions, all of my inner navigation systems prompt me on what to decide next. All this to say, I assess; I don't second-guess.
It’s an amazing playground, this life, to get to make decisions all the time. This is freedom, agency, and wellness. And I get to feel as free as I can make decisions in my life. They keep me alert and agile, the doors open, and my soul happy.
P.S. Do you experience this differently? Or have your observed the same?