Is going with the flow an anti-resolution?Jan 12, 2023
Resolution: a firm decision to do or not to do something - Oxford Languages
It’s mid-January, a good time to talk about resolutions. What’s good about New Year’s Resolutions? It’s a time frame on the calendar - one of many - that prompts us to think about what we are blessed with today and what we want to tweak for tomorrow. If the emotions around this are nagging, consider answering the call honestly rather than avoiding them.
There are 3 key things I’ve learned over the years about making sustainable and meaningful decisions:
1 - Focusing on things that are more intrinsic to you supports your authenticity and your decisions.
Rather than resolving to lose weight, for instance, resolve to feel good in your own skin. While measurables are incredibly helpful, they are meaningless if the only meaning comes from external values. Resolving to feel good in your own skin, as an example, asks a follow up question: what does that look and feel like to YOU? This focus leads to heightened body intelligence and sense of self. You become internally referred, meaning you’re guided by your own internal compass rather than by external approval. When you have this, you’ll always have what matters most on your side: your higher power within.
2 - Going with the flow, the way it’s commonly used, is an anti-resolution.
The true nature of flow is becoming what you do. Like the way children, or the best musicians and athletes, become their play, music, and sport. When you're in flow, time bends in your favor. You’re at work and at play at the same time, and you’re in deep intimacy with the moment. It’s quite pointed. Going with the flow also means to be less attached to each outcome and more ready to pivot while keeping an eye on your most intrinsic desires and values.
What it’s not is going with the interests and demands of others and to accept it begrudgingly as if to say the Universe meant it to be this way and I have to accept it. Or as code for “I don’t like conflict.” Remember that the Universe is also inside of you, therefore you, as a part of the grand Universe, have a big say in the matter of your life, how it's filled, and how it's experienced. You did not come into this world as an extra that “flows” in the currents of others. You are your own current, and in deciding to flow in it, you become of greater service to others.
3 - I’ll try… is also an anti-resolution.
It’s non-committal, a pre-validation of the usual list of reasons why things won’t work out, and a major set-up for failure. Rather than saying,
I’ll try to do it, I’ll try to get there, I’ll try to find time… I’ll see if my family/ my dog/ my work will let me
I’m gonna do it.
Assuming it’s important to you. And then figure it out. Don’t try to figure it out. Figure it out.
Say them both out loud while observing the physical sensations and energy in your body. You’ll notice the difference. Your mind, on the other hand, may fight back when you say I'm gonna do it because it’s trying to keep you safe. It's done an excellent job so far of having you feel anxious and overwhelmed into safety; the consolation is that you get to feel responsible and considerate of everyone else.
Practice saying I’m going to, and in time, decisiveness and resolution will become a part of you, and you’ll be more tuned in to your body, because now you’re owning your journey. The more strongly you’re tuned in, the less white-knuckled will-power you’ll need to live your truth.
I’ve come into my own personal growth journey with a lot of skepticism. And I've learned that doubt and questioning are necessary ingredients to growth because it allows for you to get the answers you need to turn yourself into your highest authority and own your life. This doesn’t happen by trying to do something, trying to find time, or trying to make a decision.
Say yeah, I’ll do it and dive in with a shitload of questions borne from curiosity and desire to understand rather than from the need to defend a belief or identity. Dive in to learn and to expand into your next most radiant powerful self. Take what works and drop what doesn’t. And if something is absolute bullshit and a waste of your time, absolutely walk away. These are firm decisions. This is what it truly means to try something on. It’s play. You can’t try to try something on. That’s a constant struggle.
You get to decide.
P.S. - Your soul speaks to you through your body. Emotions are a part of this body intelligence. Want to know how to decipher them better so you can make better decisions? Go here.