Detachment and flow: myth & truth

In spirituality, people talk about detachment as a way to be, to reduce suffering, and to flow with the Universe.

It's true that being able to practice detachment and live in the flow increases joy, opportunity, and true love in action. But what people think it looks like - and try to be like - is the big misunderstanding and does more harm than good, wreaking havoc on the mind, body, and relationships. 

The big myth

You breathe through it, and then you fake it til you make it. When you've "accepted" what's in front of you, you're happy, peaceful, nice, accepting, and transcendent. You take a deep breath, smile, and walk away… metaphorically, if the literal act of excusing yourself and walking away feels uncomfortable. Or you get quiet, and you “take it." Or you look away and get dismissive with a smile. Or you say you need to meditate on it and will come back to it. Whatever the case, it’s not direct.

In these scenarios, confrontation or discomfort isn’t abated because that invisible wall is up and felt by anyone paying attention. Whether or not they're aware, everyone in the room dances around that hold-back, and opportunities for intimacy are shut down. Missed opportunities become question marks, uncertainty, body aches and deeper justifications (attachments). Flow and spontaneity is blocked.

The truth

Detachment and flow means you run towards - rather than away from - real time experience.

Running away stems from attachment. It increases tension, creates knots, and reduces flow... creating blocks and aches in the mental, physical, and emotional bodies.

Detachment - or running towards experiences - means you’re in touch with your emotions as you experience life, and you work through them in as real time as possible. This means you get mad, sad, and hurt. Your active presence demands feedback from others, so you learn about the other person as well. You get to find understanding and experience frustration and connectedness while you’re at it. And you get to find ways to express what’s on your mind, inquire, share, feel more, and form healthy boundaries. {Walls aren’t healthy boundaries}

From the outside looking in, people who practice detachment may look more attached because they can be more emotive, proactive, confrontational. But they're less likely to have chronic aches, sleep issues, knots, and chronic depression... and more likely to cry, scream, and leap for joy. They're busy listening to their bodies, getting things out, taking risks, and making mistakes. Making big wins. Living life.