What if I fall?

This is part 5 in IzzyJi's Yoga off the Mat series. 

When I first had my knee replacement, I was given a few things to bring home with me to assist my recovery and healing, including a walker and a quad cane (a cane that has 4 feet instead of just 1).  Before I had even gone into the hospital, I had ordered some things to “upgrade” the walker I knew they would give me, including a multi-pocket “basket” to replace carrying my purse.  I was determined to make things as easy for me (and my amazing mom and hubby, who are my caretakers as I recover) as possible. 

Around week five, The General (remember her from my earlier blogs?) asked me if I had been given a quad cane. She told me to bring it so they could start working with me on it. I was told to begin practicing walking around the house with the cane and to use the walker (outdoors) and only if I really needed it. Well… it was much easier to use the walker. I felt more comfortable. I felt more secure. I had my necessities at the ready in the little basket. I didn’t feel like I was going to fall. A week after being told to start bringing the quad cane to therapy, another PT said to me: “YOU HAVE TO DITCH THE WALKER. YOU ARE GETTING TOO DEPENDENT ON IT.” Walking with the cane made me feel wobbly. My gait is much slower with the cane. I feel like I am putting in much more effort walking with the cane than with the walker. I get tired quickly.

Last week, I had a midway assessment to see how I am progressing. A different PT came in to do that assessment. In one of the tasks he gave me to do, I said, “What if I fall?!?!”

He smiled and shrugged. “What if you do?” (Can you imagine my aghast look)?

“Then what?” I asked.

“You get back up. Listen, I understand you are afraid. When we are kids, we are fearless because we don’t know any better. We don’t realize that falling might cause us pain, so we take chances. As we get older and experience pain from falling down, our brain and muscles remember too, causing us to tense up. We are cautious. It acts as a protection. Your body is an amazing thing! So… if you start to fall, your muscles will automatically try to help you correct yourself so you don’t fall. It’s called “muscle memory”. And if that doesn’t work and you still fall, you just need to get back up. Fear of falling is not enough to justify continuing to use the walker. If you don’t let the walker go, you will always, always need it, even when you don’t want it. Understand?” I nodded. The walker has been sitting in the corner for the last two weeks now. I realized that although it still serves a good purpose, it no longer aligns in helping me reach my fullest potential. While it can be of service, it is not serving me well. Time to release it.

So today, I ask you: Is there something you’ve been wanting to try, but you’ve been afraid? What is holding you back? What is the absolute worst thing that could happen if you let go of things that no longer serve YOU REACHING YOUR HIGHEST POTENTIAL? Is there something you should let go of to be able to move forward? Let’s release and trust together. 

~IzzyJi