What would your alter ego do?Jan 19, 2023
I’ve been a yogini and a single mother of two for over 20 years. More likely than not, you’d see me around town wearing yogawear and comfortable flats. I was a vegetarian or a vegan listening to yoga mantra drinking herbal teas. I smiled, breathed, and let offensive behavior go. I went to bed early and woke up insanely early. I practiced a lot of meditation and yoga of course, and I leaned into non-violent and conscious communication and studied the yoga sutras. I wore white often. It was peaceful. But I was insulated and felt like I was holding an important part of me back.
There’s another part of me that swears a little more often than one might think I should. I like to wear certain heels and love wearing my metallic silver jacket or faux fur. I love cappuccinos after a meal. And sometimes I have a drink with dinner when I’m out with others because it feels like a celebration of life. I love LOVE vegetables more than anything, but I also enjoy seafood and, yes, some fatty steak. I enjoy Latin Salsa music. I still let a lot of offensive behavior go... and it doesn't carry forward in my day. No, I don’t like confrontation, but I’m no silent sufferer. Those that know me know. I think white clothing looks powerful, but I choose colors more often because white makes me have to be a little too careful, and I don’t mind bumping into things and getting dirty from time to time. I still wake up insanely early because it gives me an edge, but I don’t go to bed as early as I used to, and it works for me somehow. I still meditate. A lot. But I’m more so a householder than a “yogi,” response-able to my emotions and a little bit more demanding.
I’m not done. There’s more of myself to express into the world that I realize have been suppressed since I was 5 years old when I remember traumas and fears impacting my will in a big way. Parts of me come out that have yet to be refined - not to be better behaved, no - but to come out more authentically me rather than defensively me.
Your alter ego creates your dreams and desires
I believe our alter ego creates our dreams and desires, and that our current ego self - the one we more comfortably identify with - squashes them. Our current self often has no idea how to overcome the obstacles that stand in the way of her desires, and when suggestions new to her usual way of being come up, her ultimate response sounds something like, I can’t do that, I’ve got responsibilities, I’ve got boundaries, I don’t have time, I’m not feeling well, I’m out of town, that’s not me, I feel selfish...
But another part of you yearns to step into your own calling and knows it's right. She’s even more real than you know. Your current ego self - the one that’s habituated into guilting and overwhelming you into standing back, that’s been shaped by decades of stress, suppression, and rebellion, is not more authentic than the one that’s dreaming.
Your experiences, they define you to the extent that they give you reference, and they ask the most authentic parts of you to emerge into your whole, God self. The Universe will continue to provide you with experiences and opportunities to get you there. Those goals and desires that pine away deep inside, they’re there for a reason. When you suppress, rebel, become non-confrontational for the sake of not making waves, bully, or hide behind a smile, that’s all sideways bullshit, not the real you.
The beauty, play, curiosity, and intimacy you imagine and fantasize, the part of you that loves the ocean waves and knows that WAVES ARE THE PLAY… that’s an essential part of the real you.
Who is this person, and what would she do?
What’s her name? How does she dress? What does she say? What colors does she like, what books does she read, what music does she listen to, and what does she eat and drink? Who makes her food? What does she do with her money? Who does she hang with, reach out to, and what does she lean into? And who does she tell to take a hike?
Lean into your curiosity and playfulness through her. She’ll take you to different places and experiences in your life. Even inside the same job, relationship, and location.
You can tap and lean into her any time you wish to keep up the momentum of what’s absolutely most important to you that you want to experience in your life and build on. Your alter ego serves your highest good, your joy, and thereby everyone else’s. You’ll feel an elevated sense of play, of sensuality, connection, and ease. Give her a name, tap into her. Ask, what would she do? And lean in. I dare you.
Savitree aka Esperanza
P.S. Wanna get more playfully response-able with your emotions? Go here. They will lead the way to your most authentic expression of Self.