Becoming a magnet for your highest goodDec 15, 2022
“I thought that my self care had to wait until my kids grew up,”
a mom told me just a couple of days ago. This is not the first time I’ve heard this; it’s a common sentiment affirmed by the actions of mothers everywhere. And, by the way, not so different from the rest of us with I’ll start my self care…
- …after the holidays.
- …after I finish this project.
- My family is sick right now. After they get better.
- My friends are in town. After they leave.
- I’m out of town right now. When I return.
- …when I’m not so tired.
- …when I’m not so busy.
First, other things are guaranteed to come up immediately after because life keeps happening, which makes this akin to the mother's statement.
Second, the above are actually the BEST TIMES TO START OR MAINTAIN a daily practice in mental, spiritual, and emotional hygiene. Getting stuck in the but I don’t want to put any more pressure on myself right now argument is a delay in owning your time that you wouldn’t wish on anyone, let alone yourself, if you could see the amount of suffering that owning it could eliminate.
We would never finish any of the above sentence like this:
- After my family gets better… I’ll start brushing my teeth again.
- After I finish this project…I’ll take a shower.
- After my friends leave town…I’ll take a bowel movement.
- After I come back from out of town…I’ll eat.
NEVER. And most of these activities take longer than a 3-minute meditation. Somehow, no matter how tired, overwhelmed, and busy we are, we’d take at least 3 minutes out of the day, twice a day, to brush our teeth and throw water on our face. Because we know how important it is, not just to prevent cavities and root canals but also to prevent bad breath and unnecessary suffering from the grossness of not brushing. And also to experience a fresh mouth, sense of attractiveness, and good health.
Our mind needs the same daily care.
It does. It’s just as vulnerable to its own version of cavities, root canals, bad breath, and the unnecessary suffering from the ‘grossness’ of indecisiveness, mental exhaustion, and anxious uncertainty. How silly would it be to say, when my breath stops smelling, I’ll start brushing? Because in essence, isn’t this what we say?
- One day when I’m not so busy, I’ll learn to manage my busyness.
- When I’m not so tired, I’ll figure out how not to be so tired.
- When I’m not so overwhelmed, I’ll learn how not to be so overwhelmed.
The best time to take on overwhelm, fatigue, disorganization, uncertainty, and busyness is when you are overwhelmed, fatigued, disorganized, uncertain, and busy. And then to maintain those practices when things are better so as not to find yourself in those situations again, at least in the way you’re experiencing them today.
It literally takes 3-5 minutes, twice a day, any time of day (like brushing your teeth). Yes, there are always ideal ways of doing things, and the most important ideal is to just start showing up for your mental hygiene every day. It’s not all-or-nothing. It’s not about perfection. It’s about taking care of yourself today. Figuring it out. And getting the support you need. Not later. Now.
The best way to attract love, connection, and your best life is to nourish yourself, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. It’s incredibly attractive: to your significant other, friends, strangers, co-workers, children, and most importantly to yourself. Take some minutes out of your day, every day. Get the support and the accountability to make yourself important enough. Instead of becoming a magnet for the takers, you’ll become a magnet for the things and people that support your highest good.
P.S. Jodh and I have worked with a lot of students over the years and have seen the simplest, most doable practices profoundly change lives. The key is deciding to start and sticking to it, and it doesn't take great feats, like getting up at 4:30 am or meditating for an hour. It can take less than the time it takes for you to drive to your favorite cafe and order your favorite drink. But it does take carving that little bit of time out for yourself to not feel alone, to feel connected, to tap into resource, and start feeling the energy surge that is much more sustainable than a cup of coffee (and we love coffee over here, so no disrespect). And what we've found is that starting something so important and life changing is much easier with the love, support and accountability of others who have done it before you, and also who are doing it with you. If you're ready to set aside a little bit of daily time for the love of your life (that's you) to make profound, positive change in your life, check this out.