You're doing okay, and here's how to know it

Sep 13, 2023
dumpster fire that is your life, but not really

The Dumpster Fire

My sister had a dumpster fire in front of her new house, which I showed (the live image) to a friend. She said, yep, that’s my life right now. 

August was a hell of a month. Big changes rolled in for many of you: big moves in zip code, heartbreaks, being empty-nested, moving through self-identity and work-life shifts, and persevering through scary health crises. 

While some changes were “at will,” others felt forced upon. It was not a status quo month, not by a long shot. Some of you were getting pushed through the door into the next big chapter of your life whether or not you liked, or felt ready for, what was happening.


Not all’s “bad.” 

Some great things happened also. AND… what I noticed was, those great things preceded some serious internal excavation of things that historically held you back. It was scary, you did it anyway, and you pulled through victoriously.

If you think you aren’t the one for whom great things happened last month, realize that “bad” is subjective. I know I can definitely look back at some “bad” in my life; they weren’t so bad. Even some of the really bad ones…


What’re you carrying?

September is here, and you are now working through the narrative that you’ve bundled with your August experience. My desire for you is that you take a step back and look to see if that narrative you’re carrying is serving you the way you want it to, or if it feels crippling. If the latter, you have the right and the power to change it, you do. 

Sometimes when I get on a call with customer service and I don’t like what they’re saying, I end the call and then call right back to get with a different representative until I get a person who can help me. We can do the same with our own narrative by literally changing it to one that serves us. The great news is, you have way more power here than you do with any rep on the other end of the phone.


Rite of passage

Everything that happens is truly an opportunity. Why? Because the world is always conspiring in your favor. It’s doing its best to support your deepest dreams, your highest values, and turn you around when you need a change in direction or perspective. It takes you through the rites of passage.

We think of rites as ceremonies but they don’t always look the way we think: rites come with some form of labor that feels a bit beyond our capacity. Passages are doorways we get to step through, and they open to two things:

  • A PROMISE to take you to your next level of amazingness, of adulthood, and into your dream. (Adulthood is associated with responsibility: living on your own, working, paying bills, and maybe creating a family of your own. But what it really means is taking on response-ability of detaching yourself from someone else’s values and dreams to become your own whole person by living in accordance with your own values and dreams.) 

  • A CHALLENGE that asks you to see who you are, to stretch your capacities, to acknowledge your deepest desires, to make your commitments, and to trust in grace. How you relate to these challenges informs how you come out the other end. 


Things to consider 

Sometimes these look like the worst of times. They are simply pivotal moments that ask you to see your truth, sort through what is your work and what is someone else’s, and decide your next move. 

You are never given anything you can’t handle. These moments of doubt only signify that the time has come for you to change something… a part of your identity you’ve been holding tight and is making you uncomfortable to let go. When you refuse, it feels un-handle-able. Just know that when you’re confronted by this, it means you are capable enough to handle it now. The timing is right. Trust this. 

None of this diminishes the pain and the losses, and that’s okay. Even the losses that are good riddance are mourn-worthy; they’ve taken up space in your life for some time, which means they were important to you in some way and carried you this far. Anytime something goes missing, you’ll feel that void. This is to be expected. 

This does not make the fear of “what’s next “ and “how will I get there?” go away. Those questions are there to keep you restless until you find out. Your systems are working. Rest assured you are okay and will continue to be. I know this because you’re here, looking for clues. That means something. 

Your feelings are not there to swallow you whole but to guide you through. 

  • The pain is there not to be masked but to show you what you value and hold high. 

  • The fear is asking you to answer the call according to your values. Acting on values often feels scary, so if you’re feeling a little bit afraid, know that this is normal, and that you’re okay. 

  • Just get through what you don’t think you want to go through to get to the other side. The truth is, you really do want to get to the other side. The fact that it doesn’t feel easy is what makes this true for you. If it was easy, it wouldn’t mean much or you wouldn’t have noticed. 

Listen, I’m speaking to you as much as I am to myself. It’s important to note that when you feel things, it means you’re paying attention. You’re amazing for paying attention. And you’ll continue to be more than okay because of it. 

With love, grit, and gratitude,



(much like this blog post!)